Homesick

I’m homesick… for Germany. Yeah… you read that right! The place I just couldn’t wait to get away from any faster. It took me a total of 2 months to finally realize that everything I worked so hard to rebuild in Germany is gone. My friends, my home, everything I knew. So, here I am, on an island… with a baby this time around.m. And no idea what the heck im doing. PCSing is hard, yes, but it wasn’t this hard the last time. I guess Dover was never really a home to us, we were only there for a year and a half. But this effing sucks. Tyler is on mid shift so he works from 12 am to 7 am, sleeps alllll day long & the poor guy is miserable having to switch his sleep schedule on the weekends so he can hang out with Avery and me.

I have no motivation to decorate my house to make it homier. I have no motivation to clean most days, no motivation to be myself. If I could, id stay in bed all day, but I have a child to keep alive somehow.

Speaking of which I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM DOING! There’s no manual or guidelines… just judgy moms with nothing better to do than make you feel worse than you already do over social media because saying it to your face is unheard of these days. Avery is eating solids now, I guess you can say she’s on the baby led weaning program, whatever that is… I have no idea. I just give her whatever is on my plate (to an extent, she only has 4 teeth) I honestly have no friggen idea what to feed her, she will not eat baby food, or formula! Just boob & mommy’s food. Typical.

Anyway, this move has been rough. I have a degree that I won’t be using anytime soon… im starting a business making stuff that everyone else is making. I don’t get out of the house enough, & now I have a tiny human depending on me 24/7, which is still new to me🤯.

It’s just A LOT! Sometimes I get jealous of the people who get to live somewhere their whole entire lives, but I’d get bored with the same thing every single day. I think about Avery when she gets older and how rough this is going to be for her, but on another level. It breaks my heart.

But then I look at the AMAZING opportunities the USAF has given this family. We’ve lived in Europe & Asia!!! I have friends who still don’t have a passport, or get out of California! It blows my mind.

Sorry, my mind is EVERYWHERE & blogging is my therapy.

Im homesick for Germany, I miss knowing where everything was. I miss my friends who became family. I miss more than I thought I would! Honestly.

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One Reply to “Homesick”

  1. I’m sorry this has been such a rough move, Ashleigh. I actually just moved too BUT I didn’t move across the world. It has been a challenging transition for me because I work from home and don’t really have a ton of people here that I know besides my parents. I understand your struggle and would be happy to be an ear to listen if you need someone to vent to. 🙂

    Like

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